i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
