Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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