someone get that fucking seahorse.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
