I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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