I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
