You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
your room smells of hookers.
And success
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
