if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
