My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
