hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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