More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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