If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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