ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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