and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize