i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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