i think i have two assholes
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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