wat bout pragnant strippers??
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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