I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My vagina just recognized that song.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
