i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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