Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
