too bad you live with your parents still
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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