i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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