im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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