I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
