Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
