Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
