I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize