I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
