Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
