Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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