I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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