So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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