I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
