I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
