currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
