What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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