I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
