I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
