6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
