Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
