if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
