I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
