My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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