I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
