hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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