i think my mom watched the whole time
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
