told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
