let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
