My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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