dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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