Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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