sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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