its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
