Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
