We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
