i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
