I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Drunk is a universal language darling
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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