i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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