apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize