Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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