fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
