dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
