i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
