that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
