theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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