You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
