I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize