I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
