from now on my penis is your penis
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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