My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
